This may get ugly.
A few weeks ago I was introduced to a young, single woman at church who chose her first words to me to be "Is this your monster?" while pointing at my child. I, of course, corrected her by introducing her to my son and ended the conversation very quickly. This event was the cherry on top of almost 2 years of derogatory comments I have become aware of since having a son.
Listen up mothers of boys, we have a responsibility to stop the negative reputation our soon to be men are receiving. They are not terrors or monsters or made of slugs, snails and puppy dogs' tails. They are children of God, fruits of our womb and in my opinion, delights! Men have it hard enough.
I have no doubt that if we had had a girl we would be having different irks. When mothers, because it generally is always the mother, says she wants a girl to "dress up" I want to laugh out loud. Really? I adore dressing my son, choosing his outfits, shopping for his clothes, but it takes all of 3 minutes. What do you do with your pretty princess for the next 11 hours 57 minutes of the day? Is that all they are? In my opinion we are teaching little girls that they are above normal childhoods and must rather be show pieces of their mother's shallow desires.
I dislike generalisation of the sexes and am particularly sensitive towards this. Why, when my son is climbing or running or doing any other normal toddler activity, is he automatically a "typical boisterous boy". No, he is a toddler who has an abundance of energy that needs to be celebrated. I will not make excuses for him based on his sex nor will I change my expectations.
I went through 3 months of depression after the stash of clothing we had received as gifts ran out and I had to go out for the first time and buy his summer wardrobe. For every boys' item in the shops, there were 3 more for girls. It blows my mind that still to this day I have to order clothes from overseas stores in order to stock up his wardrobe, as unless I want a mini Spiderman or Ben 10 running around my house he won't have any clothes!
I have a friend that makes my mild tempered husband's blood boil. Everytime we see her, which is not too often thankfully, she comments on how happy she is to have a daughter rather than a son. Her daughter was the product of regimented sex on certain days, at certain times, in certain positions while eating certain foods. Come on. Really? Does she not realise that we have a son and may be offended by her comments? Or is she just so unhappy with her choice of partner that the thought of a child resembling him makes her panic?
What about my other friend's ballerina teaching sister who after 3 sons went on to have her husband's sperm washed to get rid of the male sperm in order to have a tutu clad princess? Guess what she just gave birth to? A boy, of course. I love it when God has a sense of humour.
A part of me can understand that when we have another child the desire to have a daughter. I would love my husband to have a daughter as he grew up with only boys. I also worry that having another son would take away from my relationship with my first born, that I wouldn't be able to love the new boy the same. Then I am reminded of the fact that in a male dominated Eachus family, each and every one of them are completely different. That my son is exactly the type of child I imagined and that the next baby will have his or her personality and we will have a completely different and unique relationship. Would I be disappointed if we had another boy? NEVER! I have loved every minute of having a son. Would I have enjoyed having a daughter less? NEVER! It would have been the same amount of love, dedication and similar yet different challenges based on our journey together.
The lesson to be learnt is that every child no matter there sex is a blessing and completely unique. Their temperament and upbringing will mould their personality, not what hangs, or doesn't hang, between their legs. If you go into parenthood with an expectation of either a son or daughter, you are setting yourself up for disappointment from the get go. It is completely out of your control. All you can offer is lots and lots of love.
Okay, that wasn't as ugly as I imagined. Exhale.
I completely agree about the unfair generalisations. And it works both ways: When a girl is boisterous and adventurous, she's a tomboy. If a boy toddler likes dressing up in his mom's/sister's jewellery or playing with dolls, he's "gay" or "over-sensitive".
ReplyDeleteHowever, saying that, and being the mother of both a girl and a boy, I have to concede that there are some differences that I can only attribute to gender. For example Campbell is very technically-minded like his dad and loves turning screws, removing batteries from everything, working with tools, that type of thing, while Joely naturally associates with me and has become more keen to play with my make-up and help me in the kitchen. So what I'm starting to realise is that not all gender stereotyping is bad... It also often comes down to each child associating with their parent of the same gender. And I'm often proud of the fact that Campbell is starting to behave like a "little man" (mainly because he has an amazing man as his role model - Campbell and Dave have been known to cook dinner together while Joely and I did something else).
And I'm totally with you on the limited clothing options! It's atrocious how bad the range of boy clothes is! Very depressing.
I deleted a whole paragraph saying almost exactly what you have said about "tomboys" and "woosy boys"... *sigh*
DeleteI love how Nate explores things like Campbell and I celebrate it! Mainly because in our case, differently to yours, he gets this from me I believe. I am definitely the technically-minded one in our family. Nate also has quite an interest with my shoes like Joely, he spends more time with me than with Shaun so I feel this is normal. YET he has an interest and a natural talent in sports which is absolutely 100% from his father. I think interests and talents which is another thing I feel quite passionate about will be next month's blogpost. I want to do Nate's birth story first. It is time... ;)
J and C are so lucky to have you as their mum xxx
Aw, you're sweet! I have just loved reading through all your posts, and I'm so looking forward to Nate's birth story.
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